1 John 4: 18 reads:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.”
I’ve been blessed with some great friends, but there are a couple that currently come to my mind when I hear the phrases real and authentic. This last year hasn’t exactly been easy on any of us. They’ve been facing their own storm while I’ve been dealing with mine and because of the depth of our relationship, I hurt when they hurt. I’ve recently discovered how true it is vice versa.
There’s something about the fact that our storms have seemed to coincide with one another. Mine exploded on the scene two weeks after theirs’ began. And this week, during the six month mark, their storm has reached a climax of sorts. Not wanting to burden their-already-full plate, I’ve kept my own personal pain and issues to myself this last week. Side note: I don’t recommend doing that. Ever. If you’re struggling with something, share it with someone, but share it with love, grace and take great care in who you share that information with.
As I mentioned, their storm, although not over, culminated this week. I received a phone call mid-afternoon with the bare minimum when it came to details (fact: that never sits well with me, detail-oriented gal that I am). At the time, I figured that was all the pertinent information they were able to give at that time and I didn’t feel I had the right to ask any additional questions I may have had as I was still at the office. But under the surface, I didn’t want a repeat of the week that all hell broke loose in their lives, and yet, I wanted to give them both the space and time they needed while still trying to be there for them. I even went to the gym – as planned – in an effort to burn off some of the emotional stress. Not all of it, apparently.
I didn’t want to invade my friends’ privacy nor did I want to come across as too nosy while give her the space I knew she needed, so I reached out through a private message, not expecting any response. I got one that didn’t sit well with me.
One of the many things that drives me bonkers with social media, email and texting is that you cannot hear inflection or tone, as you can with a phone call or speaking with them face-to-face, nor can you read body language, as you can in person. So many things can be misunderstood and become twisted.
The message I got back was filled with periods. Very straight forward. Direct. Too the point. And cold.
I didn’t like it.
My heart didn’t like it.
I wasn’t sure if I should or even could reach out to her husband, so I chose to hold off. Before long, my mind reverted to my usual M.O. – the one where I, ever the optimist, dive off the deep end into the land of worst-case scenarios. It’s like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop when it comes to relationships, as it has seemed to when I look back. The lie that Satan spins when it comes to “this relationship being too good to be true” comes to fruition when he starts pushing my buttons. Believe me when I say he knows where to hit it just right. I was under spiritual attack and that attack led an attack mentally and emotionally. Maybe even a little bit physically. I was tempted to shut the door and walk away before life got any messier than it already was. It was an invitation to take the coward’s way out.
Then God hit me with what I like to call a Gibbs to the backside of the head with the truth (if you’ve seen NCIS, you know to what I’m referring…than you pop culture!), metaphorically speaking.
Truth #1: I am not a coward.
Truth #2: I am a daughter of God and I can do all things through him — I can remain content no matter the situation. I can stand strong in him in the face of adversity. And I can be still in the midst of any storm life may throw my way.
Truth #3: I am loved and I am known. Deeply, unconditionally and completely.
Truth #4: I was not going to walk away from something good; something God himself brought into my life at a time when I needed it most. It was evident that I still needed this very good thing.
This relationship is real.
Life isn’t always easy. It’s messy and beautiful broken in ways I’m just starting to see.
It was/is time for my walls to come down; to let others in; to let them see the real me — all of me. I’m not even sure I know who she is…we’re still getting to know each other. But God knows her and thinks she’s pretty amazing and worth knowing. Here goes…
God is doing something amazing in my life with this relationship and I don’t want to miss it.
I had finally reached a point in my evening where I’d had enough of moping around and making assumptions I had no right to make. I knew this downward spiral wasn’t my best yes and it wouldn’t stop unless I chose to stop it. I also knew that I wouldn’t sleep unless I spoke with someone; someone who knows me, knows my heart and was in the midst of the storm that was swirling.
I knew the one directly facing the circumstances wasn’t going to be in a place to speak, so I called the other.
He answered on the first ring.
The conversation that followed is one of the hardest and best I’ve gotten to experience this side of eternity. It was raw and it was real. There were tears and the invitation to carry one another’s burdens widened even further. Love and deep appreciation were reaffirmed. Real love. The kind that drives out fear.
1 John 4:18 was taking root in my heart as we spoke.
I’ve never – and I mean “never” – had a relationship like this before. I’ve gone through the majority of my life assuming I would always have relationships that would never get any deeper than sub-surface (not to the heart level, anyway) and that they would come and go with the changes in life, like they always seemed to. When the going got tough, people walked away. I’ve believed the lie that grew in my heart when I was a child — that I would never have long-lasting ,deeper-than-surface (or sub-surface) level relationships because I’m too sensitive; too neurotic at times; too “me.”
What a crock!
Experiencing this is a first for me. I’m not perfect. I’m going to mess up. I’m going to say and do stupid things that a simple “backspace” or “delete” won’t undo. There’s a lot of hurt beneath the surface of what others see; a lot of things that God and I are working through. Those things will take time to work through and heal and it will only happen if I choose to face it. I don’t want to miss out. I’m deeply grateful for their patience and love. I’m starting to learn to believe and starting to comprehend just what it means to really have someone in my corner, God included; to have someone truly mean it when they say that won’t be giving up on you.
It’s one thing to experience unconditional love from family, but it’s another to receive that love from someone who hasn’t seen the ins and outs of day-to-day living and all that comes with it.
I’m in awe.
God’s love is like that. The only difference is that his love isn’t based on our human condition. I don’t have to earn it. I don’t have to fight for it. It’s based on who He is.
This love isn’t just available to me. It’s available to everyone, including you. It doesn’t matter what your past holds or what your present circumstances are. It’s all about him. It comes down to a choice: choosing him. It’s a choice that needs to be made each day…sometimes each moment. Will you let him love you where right where you are?